What would happen if zombies were real? Let's ask the scientists ...

The BBC (normally a trusted source of news) ran a story today about zombies. As in, "How would we fare if these fictional creatures were real?" Really.

From the article:

If zombies actually existed, an attack by them would lead to the collapse of civilisation unless dealt with quickly and aggressively.

That is the conclusion of a mathematical exercise carried out by researchers in Canada.

They say only frequent counter-attacks with increasing force would eradicate the fictional creatures.

The scientific paper is published in a book - Infectious Diseases Modelling Research Progress.

You can read the full article (with awesome zombie picture) over here.

Long weekend tidbits

 • This Sunday will mark the final curtain call for the Park Road Playhouse. In my short time here, I've never been to a performance, but it's sad to see it go. Here's an article detailing the closure.

• Did you hear that there's a zombie movie that only cost $70 to make that premiered at the Cannes Film Festival? It's true. 

• West Hartford's Memorial Day parade will begin at 10AM on Monday. The parade starts at the corner of Woodrow Street and Farmington Avenue and runs all the way to the Town Hall. Attendance is encouraged ...

• Is there a fight brewing between TV pitchmen Billy Mays and Vince "Shamwow/Slap Chop/prostitute biter" Shlomi Offer? According to a report from Pittsburgh's KDKA, Shlomi may have to start watching out for the bearded wonder:

He's still fighting with the bad boy of the infomercials, Vince Shlomi. Just mention "ShamWow!" to Mays and the sparks start flying.

"Sham pow!" said Mays. "What do you think? I'm going to take the high road on this but be careful what you name your product. I had the original product 'Zorbeez.' It laid the foundation. What he did was build the house. Now, I'm moving back in. I'm going to take back what's mine and if you're out there Vince ... 'ShamPow!'... okay?"

• And, finally, speaking of scary things hunting you down, there's the story of Ex-UConn and New England Patriots football player Eric Naponski, who was arrested this week in connection with a murder that occurred in 1994. Naponski is accused of shooting a man six times as part of a life insurance scheme.

His lawyer, one Jeffrey Chartier, is quoted as saying, "I don't know why they made such a big dog-and-pony show out of it," when referring to the arrest. Hmmm, it might have something to do with the six bullets fired into a man's chest. Plus, we're in Connecticut, we need  some action.

Movie stuff

Synecdoche, New York, just out on DVD (more or less), may be the most important film dealing with the concept of human mortality the U.S. has produced in a good decade. It's incredibly dense and extremely odd, but absolutely rewarding for viewers that give it a serious chance. Philip Seymour Hoffman really carries the film on his shoulders. And Charlie Kaufman, here directing from his own script, fills every image with so many clues that the film demands multiple viewings. To say more about it would only sound silly. I can't describe it. I can't even express the emotion that this project provides. 

I guess all I can say is that can't recommend it enough.

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Over at The Atlantic, James Parker has a pretty interesting article about the resurgence of the slasher film genre. I really enjoyed the final section, which compares modern movie killers with Grendel and Sir Halewyn the Miserable. You can find the article over here.

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Lastly, did anyone else read about Woody Harrelson mistaking a TMZ photographer for a zombie? Seriously. He claims that he was still in character when he punched the man at an airport. He's in the middle of shooting a zombie movie. 

You can read about it here.

Zombie attack sign

This is pretty great. Nazi zombies are the worst kind of zombies, and any signs out there to warn drivers of them are okay in my book.

Beware of my undead army of gingerbread men!

This is what happens when it rains on a December day and I have too much time on my hands . . . Gingerbread Zombies!

To be fair, many normal gingerthings were also made, but I couldn't resist Photoshopping a little portrait of my minions. 

Geez, now the zombies are upset, too?

With so much turmoil rattling the nerves of the ol' U.S. of A. at the moment, from the upcoming elections to the roller-coaster ride known as Wall Street, it's no surprise the living dead are finding something to complain about. Apparently, the zombie populous is concerned that us living humans aren't treating them with enough respect. So, they've printed up some T-shirts and are selling them over at Think Geek. 

What's next, mad scientists for safer grave robbing? Creatures from the Black Lagoon for cleaner water?