Letters to Santa

This week's edition of The West Hartford News features a series of letters to Santa. For those readers from out of town, I thought I'd share a few of my favorites.

First up is Rodrigo, age 9:

 

This is easily the best line:

What does a mad 9-year-old write to Santa? Are there fat jokes involved? Jabs at elf labor? Maybe a dig or two aimed toward the Mrs.? Do kids use mama jokes?

Sorry Rodrigo, but Santa is ALWAYS watching you. The guys watches you while you sleep, if song lyrics are to be believed, so I'm sure he saw the seriousness tattooed on your furrowed brow as you dropped that "accidental" letter in the postbox. 

This last minute apology may work on your 9-year-old friends, but Santa's seen his fair amount of, well, BS in his life. He may be a tougher nut to crack. Good luck in your efforts.

Moving on, here's our next letter, one that the staff at the News has done nothing to help:

Oh, dear Kayla, Santa does not look kindly on those who can't spell. Of course, the folks at the News could have at least corrected that before going to press. Something tells me the average reader wouldn't have minded reading "goes," "dress," and "balloons" instead of "gose," "dres," and "buloons." 

Plus, you're all over the place with your list. Who asks for water balloons and two computers in the same sentence? What kid needs two computers? Are you setting up some sort of home office or something? You got to spread out the requests a bit. 

You're young. You'll learn.

Finally, our third letter seems to be written by a young (or old) person named Annika. Make sure to read the sign off:

Did you see that? 

Are there 75-year-olds in town posing as children to get "little ugly doll things" that they can grow? And, if so, what are they planning to do with them once they're full sized?

I'll tell you what they're going to do: Elderly coup d'etat!

Oh, we've been warned. We've been warned.