The police log, my guilty pleasure

My name is Ben, and I am a police log junky. I admit it. 

I look forward to each week's issue of the West Hartford News just to read the list of local arrests. Why? I don't know. It's kind of like a car wreck. I don't want to know the dumb things neighbors and townsfolk have done (or are doing), but I can't help but be curious, either. Maybe it's the arms-length danger the "after-the-fact" accounts provide. Maybe I've watched too many episodes of Cops. Whatever the reason, I'm hooked.

Most of the offenses in the "PL" fall under the "you do drugs, you get busted" banner. These arrests easily make up about 70 percent of the entire feature. Now, can you imagine if all of these jailbirds decided tomorrow to completely kick their habits? My log would only fill one column of newsprint!

If these people went clean, I would then have less log to read. 

Such a dilemma.

I guess I understand their problem. I'm hooked on reading about their arrests, and they keep doing drugs and getting arrested.

Circle of life.

Besides drug-related affairs, there are usually a few arrests each week associated with larceny, disorderly conduct, breach of peace, and, my personal favorite (because it sounds so innocent), "criminal mischief."

I can only imagine a baby with one mean looking unibrow when I hear the term "criminal mischief."

Keep an eye out for this baby, wanted for criminal mischief! He is armed and is considered very dangerous! If you see him, do not give him his binky! I repeat, do NOT give him his binky!

The gem of the police log is when it gives the reader a bit of a chuckle. For example, in this week's edition, there is an entry about an individual who lives on Peyote Road, arrested for being under the influence. The bad comedian in me wants to read this story and say, "Well, he should be under the influence! He lives on Peyote Road! Get it! Peyote!"

Crickets. Then, the tomato gets tossed at my head.

Oh, my sweet police log! They just don't understand what we got going between us!

One thing's certain. At least, by writing this post, I have admitted my addiction. That's step one. Eleven more to go and maybe, just maybe, I'll be free of police logs forever. Perhaps some of the 70% of the log's fodder should take note of my progress and join in battling their own maladies. 

Just take it one step at a time, people. We'll all get through this together.

(A disclaimer: This post is in no way intended as a swipe or jab at the West Hartford Police Department.  If anything, because the men and women on the force do their job so well, "PL" junkies like myself get to keep reading. And, I also realize "criminal mischief" is actually serious, and not as funny as it sounds. But, the idea of the post was all in fun. So, please, no angry emails.)