If you're looking for some last minute stocking stuffers, and have been hit by the rough economy and are looking to do Christmas on the cheap, might I suggest the following locations and items:
Kane Street seems to be the place to go if you're looking for frozen dead birds. Seriously, there are quite a few. You don't even have to look. They're right there in the middle of the sidewalk. Big, black birds that are no more. One could easily convince an elderly relative with poor eyesight that such a creature, firmly attached to the floor of a bird cage , is just a quiet, loving pet.
Missing a hubcap? Then head on over to Oakwood and Park, where they have so many, they're throwing them onto the sidewalk! Be careful, though. Some piles seem random, but, if my guess is correct, they are actually elaborate installation art. You may want to ask someone before taking one for your toddler or dog.
Do you have a special lady in your life? Does she have two feet? Is she not a clown? If so, South Highland Street has a pair of average sized ladies shoes, neatly laid on the grass at the curb, waiting for some new paws to keep warm. Hurry over before they're gone!
Last on the list is something for the enemy in your life. Send them on a lovely trip to Flatbush Avenue. It's cheap, it's local, and there's plenty of black ice on the sidewalks to make even the most careful of steppers slip and break a hip! Of course, then you'll have to visit them at the hospital. But, even then, you can steal their mail while they're on the mend! It's a win-win!
No need to thank me, desperate shoppers. I just think that, this time of year, everyone should be helping out his fellow man.
Your welcome.
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1 comment:
Well, gosh. I totally know someone who could use a dead bird. Why didn't I think of that?
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