Digging the deep

I can speak again. That is a very good thing. What's even better is that my voice is still extremely deep. I gotta say, I'm totally digging it. I'm honestly going to miss the velvet tones my voice box has been fluttering once this cold leaves my body and my voice rises in pitch.

When you think about it, it's only natural to want this kind of rich voice. Right now, I could be one hell of a voiceover artist. Or, a really sexy soul singer. The second coming of Barry White of Isaac Hayes (minus the Scientology)?

At the very least, I could become the next Chocolate Rain, right?

As I bask in my fleeting, sweet baritone, I salute some of the best deep-voiced humans to walk (and talk) this wet, dirty thing we call Earth.

Here are my top 5 deep-voiced wonders, in random order:

1. Don LaFontaine: The late, great ubiquitous movie trailer voice artist. In a world without Mr. LaFontaine, who will handle the duties of saying, "In a world . . ." at the beginning of every trailer?

2. Tom Waits - The coolest singer/songwriter in the world, hands down. And his lyrics cut straight to the bone. Here's Mr. Waits performing his amazing "Day After Tomorrow." If this song doesn't bring out an emotion from deep within your soul, dear reader, you are a robot. Perhaps you're Vicki from Small Wonder. Check to see if you have a control panel on your back and an annoying little brother that says "Whoppers!" all the time.

3. James Earl Jones - The man was Darth Vader, Mufasa, and the voice of CNN. Plus, he played the pivotal role of "Royal Flush XP Toilet" in a 2004 episode of According to Jim! What can't this man do? One thing's for sure, he knows his alphabet.

4. Bowzer from Sha Na Na - This is strictly a childhood love. As a kid, I couldn't get enough of the Sha Na Na variety show. I'd get up on the living room coffee table during the closing credits and jump to the floor when the band jumped off stage. Classic. Sadly, Bowzer now sells Time Life "Oldies But Goodies" music compilations via 3 a.m. infomercials. But, man, what a bass.

5. Rowlf - Okay, not a human, technically (though he had some human in him, if you know what I mean). But, he's a dog that can play piano! How can you not respect that? Plus, he can play WELL! Here he is away from his 88, reading his poem titled "Silence:"