"Mary Worth": The worst comic strip ever

The Hartford Courant carries quite a few "serial" comic strips: Gil Thorp, Rex Morgan, M.D., Judge Parker, pretty much everything except Gasoline Alley. All are hokey in their own way, often over-dramatic, but none are as horrible and gut-wrenchingly dull as Mary Worth. The butt of many jokes over time (including the Simpsons episode where Comic Book Guy brags about having "a very rare Mary Worth in which she has advised a friend to commit suicide" to Bart), I had never really seen the strip until I moved to Connecticut. Now I understand why it is made fun of so often. Nothing, I mean NOTHING, happens in this strip. Since I've been in CT (now about 6 weeks), this is what has transpired:

This woman, named Toby, secretly bought a DVD (ooh, the technology!) for her husband . . .

Ian, a college professor (and possible candidate for the Gorton's Fisherman mascot position).

Seriously, I'm surrounded by college professors around here and none seem to resemble this guy.

Anyway, back on track . . .

Toby bought a DVD for her husband, Ian, as a birthday gift. This took a week's worth of strips to accomplish. Seriously. First, she looked at the store, which didn't have it, then she decided to shop online, where you can find anything, and it is "SO EASY!" 

Then, for three days, she actually bought the DVD. This was like a illustrated manual of how to deal with Amazon.

Then, she gave Ian the DVD. And they watched it . . . for three days.

Then, Toby got her credit card bill, and it took her four days to look at it and pay for the DVD.

During this time, Ian left for a trip, thankful to be away from the boredom that is Mary Worth. Possibly he was off to a guest appearance in Prince Valiant, where he could carry a sword and actually do something.

But, we didn't follow Ian. We stuck with ever-so-interesting Toby. Lucky us. 

Now, after all this excitement, we finally got to the action. Here's the kick in the pants. 

Wait for it . . .

Toby suspected someone has stolen her credit card number! AHHHH! The horrors of modern internet technology! If she only hadn't bought the DVD online! Now we can scare all the elders that read this even more from ever touching a computer, thus keeping newsprint alive for one more day!

And that's it. That was over a month of this comic strip. Woman buys DVD, gives it to husband, they watch said DVD, he leaves, she pays for her credit card bill, then finally suspects something is awry. A whole month.

At least a strip like Rex Morgan has some interesting illustrations. Mary Worth is just flat and plain, both in artwork and in story. And, to top it off, the character of Mary hasn't been seen in nearly a month. Even she can't stand the monotony of her friends. She's off trying to find a new strip. Come to think of it, Sarge in Beetle Bailey doesn't normally wear a red ascot, does he?