Innovation of the day: Security Shredder Scissors

Thumbing through my newly-relaunched copy of today's Hartford Courant (less paper means less recycling!), I couldn't help but comment on an advertisement found in one of the paper's coupon inserts. Next to the ads for creepy porcelain children and orthopedic shoes sat the following announcement for a new innovation in scissor technology:

  

Security Shredder Scissors! This must be the coolest and lamest invention I've ever seen. Now you can cut things . . . faster! I love how the photo in the bottom corner of the ad shows a pile of shredded papers. Do you know how long it would take to do that with these things? Now you can sit for a very long time and shred papers too! Or, instead of tearing up those unwanted credit card offers, you can now meticulously cut them up into tiny, tiny shreds! 

I'm tempted to get a pair just to see how well they work, though I can't imagine they hold up very well. There's probably more wear on certain blades than others. And how does one exactly sharpen this thing? Plus, the scissors cost $13. For $30, you could buy an actual shredder from Best Buy. Unless you like spending 5 minutes cutting up envelopes. If so, then have at it, I say!

Still, there's something really cool about having 5 blades on a pair of scissors. Do you think Dream Products, Inc., the SSS manufacturer, has a competitor out there seeing this ad and saying, "They did five? Then we'll do six!"? Before long, we'll have 10 blade scissors, wider than a piece of paper. Children will one day ask what life was like when scissors only had one blade. And we'll have to tell them, "It was horrible, little space child. It took so long to cut through credit cards."

Of course, this being the future, we'll then have to explain what a credit card was, but that's a whole other can of worms.