Red Sox player advertising: At least these guys can play baseball

Winning a World Series ring often comes with more than a bit of celebrity spotlight if you're a baseball player. Add in the fact that you're also a member of the Boston Red Sox, one of the biggest franchises in MLB (and one with the most rabid fans), and you've got yourself some embarrassing advertisement opportunities. I've tried to collect a few of these below, in hopes of inspiring others to think before signing on the dotted line.

Now, it should be noted that I am a big Red Sox fan. I've stated this here before. And I don't think it's a bad thing for these guys to get some attention off the field. In fact, most of the big, national ads that have been made, like the David Ortiz Vitamin Water spot, are actually very good. Then, you have the radio spots, which are always pretty forgiving (like Jacoby Ellsbury's Volvo ad, which is fine, though probably highly edited from multiple takes). 

 

But once you get into the regional spots, things only us New Englanders will ever see, I just have to admit, my team can't act.

First up, and possibly the winner of the "worst Sox actor in a local advertisement" award, is Dustin Pedroia. MVP candidate. Second base sensation. Tire salesman:

Dustin's done a few of these ads for Sullivan Tire. And he's always wearing those pleated pants. Granted, the wiry-haired face of Sullivan Tire isn't much to work off of, but Dustin seems completely lost and nervous, regardless of who his acting partner is.

Why can't he believe Jim Rice is there? Was he so lost in thought that he didn't see him walking across the field? Unfortunately, we'll probably never know.

Next is Kevin Youkilis. Yoooooooouuuuuuukilis. Though not much of a T.V. pitchman, last year's Gold Glove first baseman has popped up here and there in some print advertising. Here he is selling canned beans:

(My wife and I find this so amusing that we have it hanging on our fridge) 

And, here's Kevin selling electronics:

In both cases, I feel like Kevin will seriously hurt me if I don't follow his orders. And I'd assume you don't want a mad Kevin Youkilis on your hands, especially after eating that whole can of beans. Honestly, though, how could he have approved that bean photo? Was that the best shot of the session? If so, I'd hate to see the out-takes. Or was the photographer just goading him on the whole time?

"No, Kevin, meaner! I need to to show how ANGRY you are at the beans! Show your DOMINANCE over the beans!"

"Uh, what?"

"Just get angrier and eat the beans!"

"Um, okay."

Moving on, we come to the ubiquitous Jonathan Papelbon. From bad radio ads for car dealerships to the Dunkin Donuts ad seen here, the man has done it all:

Of course, this ad is light-years better than the ad he did a couple seasons ago for 125 Auto:

The difference in these two ads brings up an interesting observation. Watching the Dunkin Donuts spot, it seems that one can come to the realization that, compared to the car ad, the more the athlete keeps his mouth shut, the better he is in the commercial. Of course, for Papelbon, the exchange is having your hind-quarters slapped on television. But, to further this argument, here's the nationals Vitamin Water ad that Ortiz did and a link to a Phiten ad that Josh Beckett filmed:

In all three cases, the less the men have to act, the better actors they appear to be.

So, is this the solution to the embarrassing ads we get to watch every year? Do we just have players show up and smile? Do we keep their vocal cords rested to argue balls and strikes?

Maybe not.

The best actor of this season's local Sox commercials is rookie Justin Masterson. Even though he got caught in an Olympia Sports ad (fact: the closest Olympia Sports to Fenway Park is over 1 mile away, inside the Prudential Center, not "just around the corner"), he still seemed to get his lines out in a realistic fashion:

So, maybe Masterson is a glowing hope. A relief pitcher and potential acting coach for future Sox players making the leap to the glitzy world of advertising. 

Maybe next year we'll see some real acting chops. If so, they'd better get started on the basics. Masterson's got a lot of work ahead of him.