On my pathetic walk home, I began to think of the most embarrassing things I have done. Here's what I could remember, in no particular order of embarrassment:
1. Hit a dog named Magic while riding my bicycle, which tossed me over my handlebars and scared the dog to the point of bladder evacuation. A well aimed bladder evacuation, might I add. All over my bike.
2. Ignored a Russian woman who tripped while crossing the road. Then, had said woman get to her feet and charge at me, screaming in Russian and broken English about how horrible I was for not helping her get to her feet (to be fair, her trip happened out of my eye-line. I noticed her after she fell and estimated that, by the time I walked to her, she would already be on her feet. Of course, my estimation was really off and it took her a very long time to get off the pavement). This brought much attention to me after the screaming stopped. Not "good" attention, either.
3. Rode a canine-urine-soaked bicycle across town to get home.
4. Accidentally tripped a blind person who was walking along the aisle of the subway in Boston, causing them to almost fall to the floor.
5. Punched a clown. Just because.
6. Had a homeless man listen to my hand. In front of a large number of people. Waiting for a train.
7. Called my friend Robert to see if he wanted to chip in on a birthday gift for our mutual friend, only to find out A.) that he really wasn't friends with said person and B.) because of this, he was not invited to said person's birthday party.
8. Lost a cat I was pet-sitting.
9. Spent 3 hours hunting for a lost cat.
10. Had a car stop in the middle of the road while I was walking down the sidewalk. The driver, a middle-aged woman, rolled down her window and insisted I was a famous actor (which, as far as I could tell, I clearly wasn't). She didn't believe me until I brought forth the fact that said famous actor probably wouldn't have been walking around the neighborhood I was in, nor would he have been hanging around Boston, in general. This did take several minutes and caused many cars to honk at the car stopped in the middle of the road.
11. Broke down in the Sumner Tunnel in Boston. During rush hour.
And, finally . . .
12. Vomited in the middle of an Abdow's Big Boy restaurant. Then, while rushing to the bathroom, heard someone actually say, "I'll have anything but what that kid ordered."
Man, this list could go on forever.
Okay, so maybe one of these isn't true at all. And, maybe one happened to someone else I know. Or, maybe I'm just saying this to make you think I didn't do so many embarrassing things.
You never know.
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1 comment:
hmmm, which one is it then.... I'm going to guess that no one has ever stopped you in the middle of the street convinced that you were a famous actor. Completely improbable. Or, is it the time that you tripped the blind person "accidentally". Haha, nice try Ben!
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